Scriptures for healing and forgiveness.

A version is here for download if anyone wishes to print this.

 (I samuel 16:7) Your word says that you do not look upon appearance or height. My outward beauty does not matter. If my heart is not clean you will reject me. You do not see what man see’s. Man looks on outward appearance, but you look into the heart. Purify my heart lord so that I will be accepted by you.

1. Psalm 139:13-14 tells me that you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I shall give you praise for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are the works of God. I am one of your greatest creations.
2. Genesis 1:27 Tell me God Created me in his own image, in the image of God I was created
3. The bible tells me in Luke 12:7 that even the hairs on my head are all numbered. I am instructed to fear not for I am of more value than many sparrows.
4. Philippians 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
5. Ephesians 6:12 says For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
6. I know that satin is the accuser of the brethren (Revelation 12:10) and I rebuke everything spoken against me that does not line up with the word of God.
7. I am not a failure but I am more than a conquer Romans 8:37.
8. Deuteronomy 28:13 says I am the head and not the tail.
9. Proverbs 18:21 says life and death are in the power in the tongue. Today I speak life and power into myself today. I will live and not die. I will be prosperous.
10. I am blessed and not cursed. I am blessed and highly favored and deeply loved by God
11. I am not disabled. I am not depressed. I will not suffer from PPD. By the stripes of God I am healed. I am healed now. Healing has already begun and has been finished. I release healing today.
12. The bible tells me to forgive so that I can be forgiven. I forgive those who do not support me in the fight against PPD. From this day on those things will not affect me. I am healed of all the emotional pain they have caused me.
13. I forgive those who have wronged me in my past.
14. I forgive all who have said evil to me and spoke evil into my life.
15. I rebuke every spirit that has come into my life through acts of my sin or the sin of others.
16. Satin you were defeated at the cross. Death and Sickness you have no place here for I am covered in the blood of Jesus. Let the blood of Jesus also be over my home and my family. When you see the blood you must pass over. Just as no harm was done to Rahab when she put the red scarlet thread over her home.
17. Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Despite any circumstance, troubling news, or any ill thing spoken against me. I choose to be happy today.
18. Philippians 4:6-7 I will not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let my requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
19. 2 Corinthians 5:7 I will live by faith and not by sight. Even though things appear to get worse or like trouble may never end, the word tells me in Psalms 30:5 Joy will come in the morning. I have faith that trouble will not last always.
20. I am blessed today In Jesus name amen. 

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To My Beloved Son

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord Joshua 24:15

To My beloved Son Nicholas Adrian Stevens:

I have always been afraid of the bible. I could never really get into it and I didn’t understand the way in which it was written. One day while praying and fasting I ask God to give me wisdom and understanding so that I could fully comprehend the text. That very day I opened up the bible to a random page and began reading. I was led to Deuteronomy and it got me thinking of you.

Moses was the leader over Israel. God promised to give Israel the land of milk and honey but because of their disobedience to God, the first generation could enter in the land. God did not take his promise back, but gave the second generation of Israel the land of milk and honey. Joshua was the leader of the second generation.

Remember these three key points:

1.      God promised Israel blessings but could not give it to the first generation. Israel’s disobedience did not cause all of Israel to lose their blessing.

2.      Moses was responsible for making sure Joshua was mentally prepared to lead the people and ready to battle great nations.

3.      Moses had to humble himself in order to teach his replacement. Moses did all the hard work, and yet it was his trainee who would inherit blessings originally promised to Moses.

Nicholas, God never forgets about the second generation, and he has a special blessing in store for you. Through disobedience I may have forfeited blessings promised that were supposed to be given to me, but because of your obedience God will give them to you. I’m sure there were assignments given to me that I did not complete, but God will give them to you and you will complete them and the reward shall go to you. This day I speak blessings on your life. You will do greater things than me.

I will teach you Gods word. I will teach you of His love, grace and mercy. I will be your spiritual covering. I will be your leader. I will prepare you for the battles that you will have to face. I will be like Moses and you will be like Joshua. I will make sure you don’t make the mistakes I have made so that you can enter the Promised Land. I pray that God blesses you way more than he blesses me.  

When the enemy is against you I will pray and fast on your behalf. When you are down I will be open ears to you no matter what time of day or night. When you are sad I will hold and comfort you, and when you are happy I will rejoice with you.

I will try to do my best to raise you up in the Lord so that when you are older you will not forsake Him. This is my promise to you.

Sincerely,

Wisteria Jasmine Cody

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Happy Mothers Day

For mothers day my son couldn't give me a card, or tell me "Mom thanks for changing my diaper at one in the morning and waking up three times a night for feedings and kisses."

Well I decided to write my baby a letter to give to him when he gets older. I even framed it. I want to hang it some where in his room.

I wanted to write so much more but I wrote this letter with the intent of hanging it up. Of course I used a preitter font and different color, but to upload it I had to use the basic font.

To My Beloved Son Nicholas Adrian Stevens

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No More Pity Parties

Postpartum depression has consumed too much of my life. It nearly prevented me from bonding with my son. Some of my relationships with close friends have been strained. Today I have decided to take my life back. For one I’m going to make amends with the people who I have lost touch with.

I’m also in the process of making a schedule that consist of a longer nighttime routine so me and my son can have some serious one on one time.

To do list

1. Write apology letter to mom for being emotionally draining. Assure her I’m taking better care of myself and let her know things will be smoother.
2. Pay my sister for watching the baby
3. Set up a girls night for the people I have been neglecting.
4. Write apology letter/love letter to boyfriend
5. Buy Taliyah Gift
6. Start baby schedule
7. Finish baby schedule

I could continue to feel sorry for myself and throw myself another pity party. I could get mad at my loved ones for not being more understanding, but I like this route much better.  No more pity parties!

Also I have been under so much stress lately and today was just such a big release for me. Some of you have been unfortunate enough to never have to collect unemployment. Let me explain to you how this works.

Every week they give you a certain amount. Your employer can try to contest your unemployment claim. The unemployment office pays you before your employer even has a chance to contest the claim. So that means you will be getting benefits for about two to three weeks before a decision is even made.  If your employer wins you have to pay the money back. If you win your employer gets a second chance to appeal your claim. This time a hearing is done by telephone and you will have received benefits for a couple of months.

 I had been collecting unemployment for about 11 weeks when I got a letter in the mail saying my job was appealing my benefits and if they won the appeal I would have to pay back all that money I had received.

What kind of organization gives you compensation before it has been awarded to you? This was frustrating and stressful. My previous employer wrote very nasty things about me, they sent the unemployment office every write up I had ever gotten. I knew for sure I’d lose the case and I would have to pay back a couple thousand dollars.

Well I prayed and fasted once a week about the situation. A hearing was done by telephone. My previous employer told vicious lies about me and they even hired a third party agency to represent them. I had no representation and no proof that I had been wrongfully terminated. While employed I received several awards but I stupidly through them in the garbage. Things just didn’t look too good for me.

Today I received a letter in the mail saying I won the hearing. I feel as if a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

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Dropping in

I was just beginning to think my Post Partum Depression was going away, and then I bumped into a really rough couple of weeks. Things between Nick and I got really bad to the point that if was affecting each other’s families.

My mom pulled me to the side and told me I was really really getting on her nerves with the emotional outbursts. At first I was really offended and thought her comments were insensitive and unnecessary. But maybe my crying in the middle of the night is keeping every one up. And maybe my moping around the house is starting to bother everyone.

Maybe I have been emotionally draining to everyone around me.

I decided to take the Zoloft. It’s been a week and I’m very happy.  I hope that in six months I can come off the meds. Until then I have to be considerate of everyone around me. I feel really bad for what I have put my loved ones through. I think I’m going to write apology letters this week.

My son started crawling this week. I thought that once he became a bit mobile he would stop being so clingy. It’s actually getting worse. This too shall pass. Hopefully.  

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Zoo.

Last month I attended a field trip with Taliyah, Nicks beautiful daughter at the zoo. It was a blast.

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Relationship Challenges.

As a new mom I had these negative feelings all the time. When I spoke with other moms I realized I wasn't alone.

1. I do the majority of the work.

I couldn't help but feel this way all the time. At night the baby would wake up crying several times a night. Sometimes it was every two hours. Nick Sr. would sleep right through it all or pretend to be asleep.  A couple of nights Nick got so frustrated he slept on the conch while I had to rock a screaming baby all night long.

I even got a picture of him trying to change the baby’s diaper. Look at this awkward position lol.

2. Nick Sr. gets to have all the fun.

If Nick wants to go out somewhere, he just goes.  I have to plan my schedule around the baby and make special accommodations. I thought this just happened to me because we didn't live together. But I have a couple of married friends who felt the same way about their husband.  If I’m even ten minutes late getting the baby or I’m taking too long to run an errand, Nick will blow my phone up.

3. If it weren't for the baby Nick and I would not be together.

This was the biggest thing for me. All those selfish behaviors Nick demonstrated towards me made me not want to be with Nick Sr. At first I thought all men were like this until Nick and I broke up- briefly. During this time I was socializing with another guy that I worked with. He was a very big assistance to me. I couldn't get my baby to stop crying and he told me take my baby to different doctors until I found out what was wrong with him. My baby had a ear infection that another doctor missed.

 I would go to work with huge bags under my eyes. He (Not saying any names) would often ask to baby sit for me so that I could get some sleep. I never did take him up on his offer. He was really experienced with babies because he had a baby brother. He gave me a lot of useful tips on setting up a routine for getting the baby to sleep. 

Well because of him I have much higher standards for Nick Sr.

I am very old school in my belief that if I have a baby by someone, I am going to try to work things out with that person. I stopped talking to the guy at my job and got back with Nick Sr. 

Today things are a lot better between us and he is doing his share of the work. I think him finding out about that guy at my job really shook him up. He really started to bring in his "A" game. 

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